Then just stay here for a bit. We can talk like this. With you smushed into the refuge of my manful shoulders.
[One of his hands brushes the hair on the back of Tim's head. Ever since they started dating he's loved excuses to play with his hair.]
So, gonna circle back now... [Sorry, Tim.] And let me get through all this in case you change the subject a bunch more times. I'm going to say my piece, okay?
[There's too much risk Tim'll blurt his way into more subjects and even hope it happens to move the conversation on.]
First of all, you can't actually screw things up by doing any of those things. We'll figure out a living situation, that can yes, include Gotham - although it'd be nice to have a place in a second city or something so I can get a break from Gotham being, like, intense to death sometimes.
[Not "we'll cross that bridge when it comes to it" or something noncommittal. "We'll figure out a living situation" like it's inevitability. Like he's already given it thought. Like he's been thinking about the future.]
I'll also know which promises will be total bullshit because I know you and I know the things that are important to you and I know the things you'll need to be doing. I know you'll take risks I hate. I know you'll face some serious creeps and I'll hate that even more. I know Batting it up will eat up time you'll really want to promise to me. I know sometimes date night will get interrupted by you going and saving some kidnapped kids from getting their faces eaten by Killer Croc or something. And that there are some situations where I can't Kool-aid man my way in to help or it might blow up worse or attract stronger bad guys to Gotham.
It's okay. If you promise something I know it's 'cause you really want to give it.
Sometimes I'll have to break promises too and run off to help Kal, Kara, and Jon stop a tidal wave in Sumatra or something. Someday when Kal retires, that'll probably be even more of a thing. Jon might need help sometimes. Very big red boots to fill.
I also get that you're going to struggle with the overprotective self-sacrificing thingy. I will too.
[He briefly presses his lips together in a taut line.]
I know since I was so oblivious that you probably have it in your head that I wouldn't have been completely wrecked if things had been in reverse. Thing is...I think I would've wound up less oblivious and only figured it out too late.
And like yeah, I probably would've attempted marginally less resurrection attempts, but only 'cause I'm a little better at leaning on people than you are when I'm hurting. And better at dealing with feelings stuff.
There still would've been this you-shaped hole forever, though. Just like ripping a thread back all the way almost to the beginning of my entire life. And nothing would've ever fixed it.
For half a second after - after what went down on the lake, and Bart and I got you out of the water - I was worried that's how it was gonna be.
And when I think about how that'd feel...I get it. I get why it's going to keep being so hard for you to stop trying to put me ahead of you. I'm going to try not to do the same thing because I know you need me to try but I might cave and break it too.
We'll both just have to try to turn those situations into protecting each other as much as we can instead. Us against whatever together.
[The PTSD thing he's still turning over in his head first because there's less of a pat answer. He knows Tim will (justifiably, given Gotham) distrust therapists. There's no easy solution.]
no subject
[One of his hands brushes the hair on the back of Tim's head. Ever since they started dating he's loved excuses to play with his hair.]
So, gonna circle back now... [Sorry, Tim.] And let me get through all this in case you change the subject a bunch more times. I'm going to say my piece, okay?
[There's too much risk Tim'll blurt his way into more subjects and even hope it happens to move the conversation on.]
First of all, you can't actually screw things up by doing any of those things. We'll figure out a living situation, that can yes, include Gotham - although it'd be nice to have a place in a second city or something so I can get a break from Gotham being, like, intense to death sometimes.
[Not "we'll cross that bridge when it comes to it" or something noncommittal. "We'll figure out a living situation" like it's inevitability. Like he's already given it thought. Like he's been thinking about the future.]
I'll also know which promises will be total bullshit because I know you and I know the things that are important to you and I know the things you'll need to be doing. I know you'll take risks I hate. I know you'll face some serious creeps and I'll hate that even more. I know Batting it up will eat up time you'll really want to promise to me. I know sometimes date night will get interrupted by you going and saving some kidnapped kids from getting their faces eaten by Killer Croc or something. And that there are some situations where I can't Kool-aid man my way in to help or it might blow up worse or attract stronger bad guys to Gotham.
It's okay. If you promise something I know it's 'cause you really want to give it.
Sometimes I'll have to break promises too and run off to help Kal, Kara, and Jon stop a tidal wave in Sumatra or something. Someday when Kal retires, that'll probably be even more of a thing. Jon might need help sometimes. Very big red boots to fill.
I also get that you're going to struggle with the overprotective self-sacrificing thingy. I will too.
[He briefly presses his lips together in a taut line.]
I know since I was so oblivious that you probably have it in your head that I wouldn't have been completely wrecked if things had been in reverse. Thing is...I think I would've wound up less oblivious and only figured it out too late.
And like yeah, I probably would've attempted marginally less resurrection attempts, but only 'cause I'm a little better at leaning on people than you are when I'm hurting. And better at dealing with feelings stuff.
There still would've been this you-shaped hole forever, though. Just like ripping a thread back all the way almost to the beginning of my entire life. And nothing would've ever fixed it.
For half a second after - after what went down on the lake, and Bart and I got you out of the water - I was worried that's how it was gonna be.
And when I think about how that'd feel...I get it. I get why it's going to keep being so hard for you to stop trying to put me ahead of you. I'm going to try not to do the same thing because I know you need me to try but I might cave and break it too.
We'll both just have to try to turn those situations into protecting each other as much as we can instead. Us against whatever together.
[The PTSD thing he's still turning over in his head first because there's less of a pat answer. He knows Tim will (justifiably, given Gotham) distrust therapists. There's no easy solution.]