"I just turned forty, but honestly, I been too old to hold onto anger since I was seventeen."
He sets his tools down for a second. It's important that he be clear about this. Sometimes Dan's permissiveness gets confused for irresponsibility or being undisciplined when, in fact, it's hard-earned and considered, just unorthodox.
"I ain't talking about a lack of accountability or about not doing better in the future. I'm talking about how I don't get no benefit from blame and shame and remorse. It's paralyzing. It's selfish, even, spending all that capacity beating myself up."
He doesn't say 'beating yourself up' because it's not his job to judge or diagnose or even proselytize to Miguel.
"We all make shitty decisions every day, even when we try not to. We got flaws and imperfect knowledge and temptation and weakness. Even saints do. But some of us make mistakes and blow up our lives and the lives of folks around us, and some of us make mistakes and get away with it, so to me, in the absence of malice, I want to work on making a world that's forgiving enough that mistakes don't turn into tragedies. Better circumstances. Better options. Less fallout."
He sighs and gets back to lining up his balsam. "I'm just too old to spend my life trying to get folks to act perfect when they can't never will. Myself included."
no subject
He sets his tools down for a second. It's important that he be clear about this. Sometimes Dan's permissiveness gets confused for irresponsibility or being undisciplined when, in fact, it's hard-earned and considered, just unorthodox.
"I ain't talking about a lack of accountability or about not doing better in the future. I'm talking about how I don't get no benefit from blame and shame and remorse. It's paralyzing. It's selfish, even, spending all that capacity beating myself up."
He doesn't say 'beating yourself up' because it's not his job to judge or diagnose or even proselytize to Miguel.
"We all make shitty decisions every day, even when we try not to. We got flaws and imperfect knowledge and temptation and weakness. Even saints do. But some of us make mistakes and blow up our lives and the lives of folks around us, and some of us make mistakes and get away with it, so to me, in the absence of malice, I want to work on making a world that's forgiving enough that mistakes don't turn into tragedies. Better circumstances. Better options. Less fallout."
He sighs and gets back to lining up his balsam. "I'm just too old to spend my life trying to get folks to act perfect when they can't never will. Myself included."