nightlogs | I Used to Never Wear a Seatbelt Because I Said I Didn't Care [Closed]

Who: Dan and Miguel
What: Dan delivers Miguel's clothing
Where: The Pole
When: (in relation to events/plots if needed)
Warnings/Notes: Typical Dan warnings regarding addiction and mental health; Miguel warnings for Spidey and universe collapse.

Almost as soon as they're back from Project Prometheus, Dan's on the move again, dispatched to Moscow to hunt a babayka, and then to Santiago to track the Dogman, and as such it's about a week before he's back at the Pole and ready to address the unfinished business he left behind.

But first, an offering, a way to try and convey that Dan isn't trying to be defensive; he's only trying to explain himself, to lay it out there why he thinks Miguel is wrong, why he isn't just a fuckup who can't be trusted to make good decisions in life-or-death settings, why Miguel - and everyone else Dan's ever met - aren't wrong to have ever placed their trust in his competence and judgment. He makes Miguel's long coat, undershirt and trousers, like he promised.

Dan doesn't sew any passive-aggression into the garments. He feels strongly that sewing while emotional shows in the finished product, and he doesn't want to punish Miguel or escalate the conflict between them, so instead he's diligent and serene as he embroiders, tacks, trims, laces, so on. Each piece hews closely to the drawings he showed Miguel months ago, masterfully-done but simple, wardrobe daily staples instead of anything flashy.

He knocks on Miguel's bedroom door, having not found him in the lab, hoping he isn't waking him but figuring Miguel's probably as nocturnal as he is, based on their trip to Quebec. He has the clothing on a hanger slung over his shoulder, but even so he has to carry the end of the coat, given how long it is and how much taller Miguel is.

"Delivery," he says, armed to greet with a smile.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

That clearly sits a lot better with Dan, and he stops picking at that scab on his knuckles. "That'd give me a lot of peace of mind. It keeps me up at night."

Dan feels like he's about to crawl out of his skin every second of the day that he isn't too deeply intoxicated to feel anything but drunk or high, talking himself out of worst-case scenarios, and this concern has been one that's so hard to uproot because he understands it so little. He doesn't know why he keeps getting chosen to wake up some days in wholly different universes, but he feels a sense of powerlessness that's plagued him his entire adult life amplified. Dan's always felt, to some degree, like his life trajectory was derailed and has been determined by forces far beyond his ken, like things just happen to him without his input, and since getting snatched that sense of a lack of agency has gotten louder.

He'll cling to even the slightest sense of control like a lifeline.

"It ain't that I don't trust you to know where I am." At the very least, he assumes that Miguel wouldn't use that knowledge for ill, although he suspects Miguel wouldn't hesitate to use that knowledge in ways Dan disagreed with if Miguel saw it as important. He rubs the scar on the back of his neck. "I just got a bad history with being tracked, and then with the electric collars...I really do appreciate that you hear me out when I get gunshy about stuff like this."

He knows it isn't always easy to do.

"One of the original goals of the Spider Society was to keep all our agents connected." he says. "Going on missions was always optional."

He understands Dan's anxiety. After knowing there were people out there that understood and cared about him, it would be quite isolating to get cut off.

"Maintaining double-lives in our home universes made things lonely, as you can expect. There didn't seem to be any harm in letting someone know they always had people looking out for them, if they needed it."

Things got more complicated from there, especially with regards to Miles... But in the brief moments he allows himself to be optimistic, he remembers the positive aspects of what he helped build. The things that felt less like a burden.

"That sounds nice. Real nice. I ain't had nobody looking out for me since I was a kid, not until the last few years, so it's an adjustment, but it's nice. I'm sure it is for the Spiders, too."

Dan for so long was someone nobody would miss, detached from social connections, and it does feel nice to know he has someone at his back, but terrifying, too. It makes him feel dependent and vulnerable in a way loneliness didn't. Loneliness was his to control. Loneliness kept his world small and on a tight leash, an ecosystem cramped enough for him to build walls around it.

He pivots again.

"Well, since the clothes seem to could fit you good, any other wardrobe pieces you're hankering for?"

"For them, yes. Many of the new arrivals are maybe a year or two into getting their powers. Aside from similar company, some guidance eases the more frightening parts of our work."

It looks like Dan was warming up to the idea of being part of a group, himself. It took a while for solo actors to properly settle into it. At the question, he holds his chin pensively. Sure, he had some things he missed, but asking Dan to build it from scratch made the ask feel rather involved.

"Hm. Nothing specific comes to mind. I suppose we will eventually be encountering some hot weather." he muses, keeping his eyes on Dan to see if that caught his interest at all.

"Most folks get their powers young, right? Teens?" Dan suspects that some teenagers might take to Miguel's brand of do-as-I-say about as well as Dan did, but he's just speculating.

Miguel's next thought does perk Dan up; he takes Miguel's suggestion as evidence that the door isn't closed on their friendship, that they've done a decent job repairing it with this conversation today. "I could put you together something that breathes. Lightweight shirt, pants with some flex to them. It didn't could occur to me to do something for warm weather given, you know."

He gestures with his nose towards the window, where snow is still dumping down, as it seemingly always is.

"Yeah." he sighs, fully aware of the hassle of getting Teenagers to Follow Rules. "They have enough angst about feeling misunderstood by the world before their powers, so..."

A support system of people in similar straits, the core of which could lend their experience and structure. Risky for his more paranoid side, but the kind gesture seemed harmless enough to avoid disturbing the delicate balance of the web.

He doesn't miss the change in Dan's expression, and reacts with an endeared sort of softness. Yes, asking for summer clothes on the North Pole would be absurd, but they'll eventually have to venture somewhere a little warmer.

"I can't give a timeline for your watch, studying this dimension has been slow going without my usual equipment." he adds. "But how would you feel about a proper tour of the lab? The map displays better in there."

If Dan was going to continue to give him nice things, he'll put in the effort to make it reciprocal.

"Teenagers are hard. I got a way with the, but I reckon it won't surprise you that I got my weaknesses at enforcing rules and limitations." He couldn't get his younger siblings to stop drinking themselves to death, for example; they were all cursed to die anyway, and he was the biggest drunk out of any of them, so why would they listen to him?

He's already plotting summer clothing for Miguel, lightweight, breathable, sweat-wicking.

"I'd love that." Dan actually feels daunted and intimidated by Miguel's lab, but he isn't about to turn down a gift. "So long as you don't mind me asking stupid questions the whole way."

"You're welcome to ask whatever comes to mind." he adds, wanting to emphasize that Dan shouldn't feel lesser for not immediately understanding his world. It was a cryptic labyrinth of overly-specific expertise, and even Miguel missed having Lyla to help him wade through it. Plus, he was a scientist. Explaining himself was just part of the job.

"Very few of our recruits came in knowing the ins and outs of the multiverse." he reminds him. "And I don't believe you've met Catalina."

Unless Stacia had mentioned her. He found the presence of the spiderbot made his space a little more welcoming.

I Used to Never Wear a Seatbelt Because I Said I Didn't Care [Closed]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject