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Entry tags:
Will these two finally manage to have THAT conversation?
Who: Aiden Price, Dan Sagittarius
What: Price brings Concrete Blonde to Dan and they have a heartfelt discussion about imprisonment
Where: Outdoors
When: After Branch
Warnings/Notes: Prison related topics, Typical Dan related warnings, typical Price related warnings, overall toxic behaviours
Price was going for a walk on his own, figuring that alone meant staying out of trouble - which is not a smart deduction in an unknown place, but nobody tell him, he's just starting to think that maybe the brain damage didn't make him completely useless -, and he happens to run into a pleasant surprise: Concrete Blonde.
He likes to spend time with her, feeding her, and cuddling her. He was about to give her a bath but he remembers reading on the subject while in the Wilderlands library and concludes that it's not the case to do so, especially in these cold temperatures. See? He does go out of his way toserve help, it happens very often! Absolutely appalling that nobody will listen to reason when he calmly - accommodatingly, even! - explains that nothing is his fault ever.
That's why he decided to start refraining from conversations as much as he can. It does pain him because, for all those accusations of being 'antisocial', he really likes people in his own way. Dan, however? He is not like most people. There's something deeply wrong about whatever their friendship is, and Price can't put his finger on it. He feels safest when he avoids him, and yet he needs him. There are so many thoughts and feelings that he has on the matter, but he doesn't feel like being gaslighted about them so, he tells himself, he'll just bring the horse back and then leave Dan alone to his devices.
"I found your horse."
Technically it's their horse, but better not to claim her to make this less difficult. He won't say anything more than what is strictly needed.
"I figured you would want her back."
What: Price brings Concrete Blonde to Dan and they have a heartfelt discussion about imprisonment
Where: Outdoors
When: After Branch
Warnings/Notes: Prison related topics, Typical Dan related warnings, typical Price related warnings, overall toxic behaviours
Price was going for a walk on his own, figuring that alone meant staying out of trouble - which is not a smart deduction in an unknown place, but nobody tell him, he's just starting to think that maybe the brain damage didn't make him completely useless -, and he happens to run into a pleasant surprise: Concrete Blonde.
He likes to spend time with her, feeding her, and cuddling her. He was about to give her a bath but he remembers reading on the subject while in the Wilderlands library and concludes that it's not the case to do so, especially in these cold temperatures. See? He does go out of his way to
That's why he decided to start refraining from conversations as much as he can. It does pain him because, for all those accusations of being 'antisocial', he really likes people in his own way. Dan, however? He is not like most people. There's something deeply wrong about whatever their friendship is, and Price can't put his finger on it. He feels safest when he avoids him, and yet he needs him. There are so many thoughts and feelings that he has on the matter, but he doesn't feel like being gaslighted about them so, he tells himself, he'll just bring the horse back and then leave Dan alone to his devices.
"I found your horse."
Technically it's their horse, but better not to claim her to make this less difficult. He won't say anything more than what is strictly needed.
"I figured you would want her back."
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But he no longer lets his guard down around Price, so he sees the hug coming, and he relaxes into it, only shifting slightly on the stool to make sure they're out of the way in case Concrete Blonde gets spooked and kicks behind her. He gives Price's wrist a squeeze he hopes is reassuring.
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If Dan chose him to be his toy for self harm purposes then that's what his use is, it's not like he can defend himself from that disrespect without it biting him in the ass, too many people see him as someone you can be near only if you want to hurt yourself anyway. It's not that he's no longer capable of lying and scheming, but he already has enough of a constant headache.
He tightens the hug for a moment. Maybe not thinking about the future is a way to avoid a worse headache. What lies would he have to keep up with to create a home for himself? He likes helping, and doing chores, and providing services, but if that was enough he would have already had proof of it on the Rig. He will keep doing all those things to make himself less disposable, less worth killing, but other than that it's going to be mostly unnoticed effort. Does Dan really think that there is a place for him somewhere - like Aziraphale's library, for example? He seems so convinced, but then again, Dan is a good liar.
Price supposes that if Dan doesn't have his friends give him shit for it, he can be his toy. Also, he hopes that whatever percentage of their friendship which is genuinely kind, he can keep it up too. He really is proud of Dan for coming so far, so if he doesn't have to be his poison maybe he can give him his nurturing too...
"Oh, I'm sorry." he lets go "I did not mean to distract you. Go ahead."
And with that, he steps back to where he was to absorb the knowledge carefully.
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He realizes at this moment that he's started mentally categorizing Price into the same place he's been slotting so many other people at the Pole, the ones who's worked their way into his heart, the list that's already gotten so much longer than he's comfortable with. For as much as Price has been a project and a tool to Dan in the past, Dan does care for him, deeply.
He thinks that's what makes Price's self-sabotage hurt. It isn't the threat to Dan's life or safety. It's just the tragedy of seeing someone he cares about hurting and hurting himself, over and over, but Dan's seen the way Price has tried over and over again to make human connection. He sees the way Price has made gains in that regard.
"Alright, see, this area is where you aim for. And missing that ain't just a problem for the horse. You stab into her nerves and she'll thrash and kick you. And once you get all this clean..." Dan picks up a horseshoe. "These ain't standard size, so you got to mold them to fit her. I already took the time fitting these for her."
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"When you come back home you could set up a class of some sort, where you can teach important manual tasks to all kinds of people."
He's not sure why he's suggesting it. Probably because he can see that this has a bit of a therapeutic effect on Dan.
"You could do it for short periods of time, to have the opportunity to travel the world."
If he should have a future, then Dan should too. There is so much he can give and so much he can do to improve anyone's quality of life. Price might be very different from him, but he can see him without judging him for being illiterate, or doing drugs, or committing crimes. Perhaps many people here can do it, but he likes to think - maybe out of conceit - he can extend a special type of kindness that can only come from him.
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"Well, I can't go back home, but I don't like staying cooped up at the Warren either, so it would be nice to find some reason to get out there in the community when I'm too old to keep up with heroing." But Dan doesn't think he'll live that long. He truly hopes he doesn't. His heart will break in some deep, incurable way if his age and mortality keep him from being able to join Bunny in the field, from being able to work cases.
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Price might be the cowardly type but he's not meatheaded nor stupid.
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Dan lines up the horseshoe and gets the nails in place. "See these marks? That's where you're going to aim your nails at. You just hammer them in carefully."
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Dan has known the reckless part of Price but as he's picking up the pieces of himself, he is rebuilding that caution that surprisingly made him the straight man to the Director's antics. When he was not enabling them, that is.
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It's also not exactly what Price is talking about, but Dan doesn't like his coping mechanisms called into question, and running into danger is one of them.
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How do you even explain the Reds and Blues? The group did meet Tucker for a while, but Tucker was the most competent one, arguably the closest to a freelancer. That insane interview with Donut is burned into Price's mind still. It was fascinating, for sure.
"And I can guarantee, as someone who has witnessed such cases, that our group is way smarter than that."
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Price explains calmly, although he too is picking up on Dan's discomfort.
"To put it simply, it would be wise to be mindful of our own capabilities and our weaknesses. Sometimes that entails sitting it out without running into unnecessary risks. While I can perform surgery, I would be more comfortable knowing that we collectively decided against the probability, slim as it might be, that all our combat oriented people get incapacitated at once. Not to mention that some in our group have a very peculiar biology that I have to study secretly because they do not trust me enough with that information. In that case, we might need someone to help me with surgery...Especially since I am not at my most confident in my skills following my own injury. Which brings us once again to my point."
He still has his usual quiet monotone, but the content of his sentence suggests a certain frustration clearly enough. Also, anxiety. Did Price ever mention that brain damage comes with tons of anxiety? The fact that he was already a control freak before does not exactly help.
[cw: allusions to sexual assault]
"Are you thinking emergency surgery? Folks who don't want you nosing around with their physiology might not could be keen on letting you operate on them unless they're at death's door."
Dan doesn't want to highlight that a lot of people don't trust Price. He knows Price is aware of that. He wants to encourage Price to use his medical skill to help others, but privacy is such a loaded topic, and bodies are so personal. Bodies are sacred. Dan's had his used by others enough that he's aware of how scary that can be, and the idea of someone secretly studying his body doesn't necessarily upset him, but he can imagine it upsetting others deeply.
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Price doesn't want to be kept guessing, he doesn't even want to give himself room to make missteps.
"Well, yes, that would the plan. I do not understand what is the use of letting someone die. Everyone is useful, here."
Bodies are sacred and personal, in theory. In practice, some bodies are more sacred and personal than others. Price is surprisingly a great defender of the majority, for someone who has never ever been part of it. His docility is not as fake as it looks.
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And to him, that's all organizing - and subsequent to that, governance - has ever been. Price has been incarcerated. Surely they can level on punishment being counterproductive. Surely they can level on it being painful without purpose.
"Folks got a right to the integrity of their bodies, even if they use that right to elect to die." Dan sighs. He knows that's an outlier opinion, too. "But I do reckon in the absence of consent, in a life or death situation, it'd be prudent to choose saving a life."
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"I'm sorry, is this about something in particular that I am not aware of?"
None of the information exchange has to necessarily go against what Dan said.