Patience

[branchifer]

Who: Branch and Boba
What: Showing him his little room
Where: Random place in the Pole
When: After Boba's run off
Warnings/Notes: N/A for now

[Branch immediately goes looking for Lucky after he runs off, googling "clone" along the way. That requires him to google a few other terms and it leaves him even more confused than before. The idea of a person somehow only having one parent is completely normal so the fact humans find it weird is odd, but being identical is weird by troll standards.]

[And Lucky is from another world than this, even if he looks like the humans here.]

[He really doesn't get it. He doesn't get how it could be possible, nor does he understand why it'd be an upsetting thing.]

[But it upset him and that's all that matters.]

[It doesn't actually take him that long to find him. Ever since Bingle terrified him when he first woke up, he's been especially kind in his very childlike Elf way, and he's sometimes asked the other Elves to also be kind if Branch needed help with something they could actually help with. Some whispered and jingly Elf conversations provide him a lead on where Lucky's gone, due to some of the Elves seeing where he'd run to.]

[So Branch goes to his hiding place. But he finds a place to sit and wait nearby. Either Lucky will come out on his own or he'll at least give him a little time before he goes in and tries to check on him. Clearly, he needs time to to process whatever he's feeling right now.]

Comments

[orivodika]

[Boba's in his room. There are drawers left open, clothes strewn all over the bed, and a backpack beginning to be filled with necessities. It's clear that at some point he was thinking about leaving. The closet is dark, but the door is open enough to see a curled up shape in the corner.

Boba's on the ground, sitting with his knees up and holding a cheap plastic helmet to his chest. It rustles loudly in warning whenever he begins tighten his grip. It's a poor imitation for the real thing, but it's all he has.

He doesn't see Branch come in.]

[branchifer]

[Oh. Oh, his heart.]

[There were times he'd curled up in small spaces in his foster parents' pod when they and everyone else were out singing. Or, later on, he hid in the hollow of an old tree. Eventually, after he found it, he curled up in the abandoned animal burrow that eventually became the bunker.]

[And then, down in the soil of the hole he excavated, as far from the music as possible, hidden away. He first moved out as a teen, when it was nothing more than a deepening hole in the dark, where he curled up in blankets and soft dirt.]

[He'd had nothing to hold, though, nothing left of his grandmother, not even some kind of facsimile of anything she'd owned or made for him. The only thing he'd managed to grab when the evacuation started was Croco, the stuffed crocodile she had sewn for him, his very favorite stuffy.]

[But on the chaos of the tunnels, he'd dropped Croco, and the doll had been left behind, probably trampled by many feet, or buried by collapsing soil as the shovels and picks came down. Branch been left empty handed on the long trek to where they settled, through snow and desert and dangerous forest, ferried by harried but caring people just trying to mind the orphans so they survived the long journey to a refuge unknown.]

[When Branch sees Lucky, he knows, instantly, that the project he's been working on is a good thing. It may be what he needs to feel safe. And he can do more than gently usher him somewhere. He's already made more for him to hold onto.]

[When he approaches, he does it while small. He can always grow bigger for a hug but it's less intimidating. It means the power differential is in Lucky's favor. Branch hates this kind of vulnerability usually, and his new ability to grow is a shift he's coming to like.]

[But this is something he'll gladly give to make this child feel unthreatened.]

[He talks to him from the doorway, still giving him space. Control.]

Hey. Is it okay if I come over?

[A pause.]

I just...

I want to be here with you. Since you're upset.

[orivodika]

[Boba stiffens when Branch speaks. He didn't notice him approach.

Sloppy.

He's not sure what to say. He wishes Branch hadn't seen him, or that he hadn't come in at all.

His grip tightens around the helmet. The cheap plastic creaks loudly in the small space.

Boba finally answers with a shrug. He's not sure what to do now that Branch is here. He was planning on hiding until he figured out what to do next. Run away, maybe, but he's not sure where he would go. The other people here would probably be able to find him, they're too well-equipped. There's no shuttle to stow away on, or ship to steal. He's trapped on this planet with these people, and he's got no where to go.

He's trapped. Again.]

Did Miguel send you after me?

[It's a cynical question. Miguel's been so nice to Boba, given him so many freedoms that he let his guard down. He forgot that he's not a frie- an ally, he's another captor.

He's not sure where Branch stands. He tried to escape too, but he's had plenty of chances to actually get away and taken none of them. Is he a captor now? Boba thought he was an ally, but he's not sure any more. He doesn't know where things stand. It's a dangerous position to be in.

Jango would be so disappointed.]

[branchifer]

No. I just saw that you were upset and I was worried.

[He comes over to the closet but settles down to sit on the floor outside, closer but not too close.]

I - I looked up what the clone thing meant. I wanted to try to understand why you were upset. I don't think I really get it but...

[He shrugs.]

To be honest, I don't really care what it means. I just don't like that whatever it is - whatever it means - that something about it is hurting you.

[He quickly adds:]

We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I just wanted you to know since it upset you that other people heard it that it doesn't matter to me.

[A pause. He raises an eyebrow.]

And also that if someone else holds it against you for some reason, I'm booby trapping their room.

[orivodika]

[Boba snorts, despite himself, at Branch's threat.

He tries to find a way to explain it to him. He feels like he barely understands it himself.]

Clones aren't people.

[No, that's not what he wants to say.]

I'm a person, and I'm a clone, but I'm not- I'm not-

Argh!

[Why can't Boba explain it? It makes sense in his head, but he can't find the words.]

The clones are all brothers. All of them, but not me. I've never had a brother, but I have a father. None of them have a father.

[It's the only way he can think to put it.

Boba is the one true clone-- the unaltered copy. The one who was chosen and raised and loved.

Jango's legacy.

He looks into the visor of the cheap, mass-produced replica of his father's helmet. He sees his own warped face looking back at him.]

[branchifer]

[Branch thinks it over.]

Okay, just an outside perspective here, but I think as long as people think things and feel things...they're still people. Even if some of them have parents and some don't. Even if they're made different ways.

Just like there are all different kinds of people here at the Pole.

[He presses both hands together.]

And that's a good thing because if everyone is a person that means if someone compares you to other clones, you being like them doesn't make you less of a person. You're still a person and so are they.

You're just a little luckier and got to have something more. You get to be your father's son, too; that will always be yours.

[orivodika]

[Boba huffs out a frustrated breath, because that's nice and all but it's not what he's trying to say! His head is beginning to hurt.

(He doesn't know how to even begin dealing with most of what Branch said. He tries not to think about the other clones more than he has to. It's easier to let himself be resentful of all the ways they've hurt him than the confusing tangle of emotions that crops up in his gut when he thinks about them as people.)]

It's not about that. It's... it's...

Being a clone means something to Rex-- to every one of his brothers. It means something to the whole galaxy! But that's not what it means to me because I'm not one of them. But they always think I am, or that I should be, even though I'm not! I never have been!

[Boba doesn't realize that his shoulders are shaking.]

And no one can make me. I don't care what some stupid Republic judge says. I don't care what Miguel says!

[This is why he needs to leave. At least on Coruscant he couldn't get tricked into thinking he was safe! This place, these people, are dangerous.

He's already said too much. Why did he tell Branch all this? He feels confused and conflicted and so angry and he doesn't know what to do!

Boba takes the helmet in his hands and, with a cry, throws it against the opposite wall. He curls in on himself, grits his teeth, and buries his fists in his hair. He wishes Branch would yell. He wishes someone would lock him up already. He's been waiting for them to do it. Why do they have to act so nice?]

[branchifer]

A judge?

[He knows that's a thing some of these worlds have with their laws. Their overly complicated legal systems. It's all alien to him, hard to wrap his head around. It's so impersonal. It's so strange that societies don't have people who just...admit wrongdoing to each other and fix it.]

[They need Deciders. People that argue, people that pick the right truth like the truth isn't just the truth.]

[He thinks about the things he read about clones, but as used in stories. The stuff he read said it was about exploitation. Using people for things. That...that isn't impossible to wrap his head around. Not entirely.]

[People as a commodity is something he can grasp.]

They use the other clones for things, don't they. Like they're not people.

[There is no yelling. His voice stays gentle.]

[And he doesn't ask the question "Did someone try to treat you that way too?" He already has the answer. In the shaking, and crying out, in the way he's pulling his hair. It'd be like someone asking Branch's younger self, as he frantically dug into the dirt to hide, if something had ever traumatized him.]

[Lucky's father had been there - protecting him, probably, as fathers do. But for whatever reason, maybe that protection was gone. And then what was left after? If a world didn't see his kind as a person?]

Look, I can't speak for that guy and about what the clone thing means to him. But if it means to some people that you're not a person, and that they can force you to do things somehow, whoever thinks that is wrong.

[Maybe in Lucky's mind, clone = unperson, but to anyone else here, not from his world, the math ain't mathin'.]

I know you feel trapped. If I thought it wouldn't just get us killed, I'd still take you somewhere else, if it was what you really wanted.

[He tries to find the right words.]

But we're not like this...judge, though. Whoever they are. We're just trying to keep you safe. Even Miguel...I think he's trying to give you structure, like the kind you have in a normal life, before anything bad happens. He's just dumb and bossy about it.

I know it's hard to believe because I've had to work so hard at believing it myself, but...I think maybe people are telling the truth that nobody wants to hurt either of us.

[orivodika]

Clones aren't people.

[Cattle, his father called them. Just soldiers.

Sometimes Boba can't help but wonder what would have happened if any other test tube had gotten picked out. It always makes his stomach hurt. He locks the thought up before it sits too long.


The world Branch is suggesting, one where no one wants to hurt him, just... doesn't exist for Boba. It never has.

All at once, a wave of exhaustion runs through him. He slumps back against the wall.

He's tired. Tired of being scared alert all the time. Tired of waiting for the shoe to drop.]

...Maybe.

[He doesn't believe it, but he also doesn't have any arguments against it. They haven't hurt him yet, not really. He doesn't understand why.]

For now.

[branchifer]

["Maybe" and "for now" are at least a first step.]

[He adds slowly:] ...The thing is I also know telling someone they're safe doesn't help them feel that way if they used to be unsafe for a really long time.

I can kinda tell things were hard for you like they were for me. Just... you have your guard up like I did when I was your age. It seems like a lot of complicated stuff was going on for you back home.

So because I can't actually promise everything will be safe here forever, I kinda came up with something else.

Back home, when it was obvious our village wasn't safe and was going to get found by our enemies, I built myself a bunker, hidden underground. It was hidden so well that when I was right, and they did come to kill us, my entire village was able to hide there.

I found a hiding place here in the Pole for you if you want it. It's hidden like my tunnels in the walls.

I figured I wouldn't need because I have my tunnels so I put some stuff in there for you in case you wanted it. Now's as good a time to tell you about it as any.

[orivodika]

Oh.

[Boba is startled out of his brooding, just a little.]

You're giving me a place to hide. You found it and you're showing it to me.

[He speaks slowly, like he can't quite get the words to make sense.

Branch is just so nice. Boba doesn't know a lot of nice people, and the ones he does were all in Jabba's Palace and had even less power than he does.

Branch kind of reminds him of Gab'borah, or the dancing girls who have been there longer. Those are the people who always snuck him pieces of the really good food and made sure he had a place to run if people start paying the bad kind of attention to him.]

And you have places to hide, but you found this one and thought of me.

[It still doesn't make sense, but he'd be stupid to turn down that kind of resource just because he can't figure out why it's being given to him. Maybe it'll all go bad, and when he needs it Branch will take it from him somehow. Maybe it's a trap. But at least then he'll know what the real reasons are, and he can get himself out. (And maybe, just maybe, Branch is really being nice. Maybe there is no secret plan. Maybe he just wants Boba to have a safe place to hide when he needs it. That doesn't seem likely, but there's a part of Boba that really hopes so.)]

Okay. You can show me.

[He uses the walls to help stand because his muscles ache a little from being curled up in the corner for so long.]

cw: cannibalism mention

[branchifer]

Yeah, I want you to have it. Like I said, I've got my own hiding places.

[He trots away a little bit before going big again, doing it relatively slowly so Boba isn't surprised. It's easier to cover more ground at his bigger size.]

[He hasn't told him a whole lot about where he came from. What his life was like. He was pretty open about what he thought the others were going to do to him, hence the traps, hence being willing to take a scared kid with him - but that's not really the same.]

[Especially since that could be a very adult fear, not a child's fear held for years.]

[It's a bit of a walk, especially with Branch's strides at 3 feet tall. He has to take more steps to even match Boba's stride so he's not the fastest walker.]

And I want you to have it because... because where I grew up I was never safe. I spent most of my life worrying about getting eaten [he raises his eyebrows and says flatly] a totally normal thing to worry about.

And I, uh -

[He briefly glances up at him and the way his eyes dart away after makes it clear it's not necessarily an easy subject to talk about.]

I lost someone when I was little. She raised me. And she saved me. And I never saw her again.

We barely got away. The adults spent years tunneling out of our cage in secret. [It sure paints a picture.]

People tried to tell me I was safe but I knew better. Them telling me that just [he shakes his head] made things worse. I was a kid but I wasn't stupid.

[He doesn't want Boba's takeaway to be that he can't trust anyone though.]

[He leads him towards the Mailroom, a place very few people besides the yetis that work there go.]

Instead of telling me I was safe I needed someone to actually make me safe instead. There's a lot we could've done to get farther from Bergentown or we could've built places to hide.

[He finally glances up at him again.]

I just want you to have that. I think a lot of the people here will never try to hurt you but you deserve places to hide in case someone ever tries.

[He sneaks down a little hallway towards a dusty and rarely used storage room.]

You shouldn't shouldn't have to build your own safe place like I had to.

[The walls here look like many of the other walls around the Pole, carved with all sorts of stained Christmas designs. But Branch presses his fingers against a few of the carvings and they slide inward. There are several clicks and a little door pops open, one slightly shorter than Branch is. He ducks inside. Boba will possibly have to crawl in.]

[But the other side opens up again to a crawlspace with a high enough room for him to walk in. It's gently lit by some of the magic lanterns in the Pole. A little alcove has blankets and cushions - comfortable enough to sleep on if Boba wants to. A shelf is full of books, some dusty and old, some that seem newer. A few seem to be adventure books, possibly exciting enough and full of enough fights for Boba to actually like. There are also little shelves with puzzles and puzzle toys that seem recently installed.]

[And the walls are stenciled with blue stencils of various weapons. There's a slight smell of new paint but it isn't overpowering.]

cw: cannibalism mention

[orivodika]

[Boba remembers the rancor and the Great Pit of Carkoon-- before that, a handful of sea-mice and an eel and a dark shape in the water-- and he thinks that Branch was probably right to be worried about getting eaten.

(Life is hard for the small and weak.)

He carefully watches all of the steps Branch takes to open the door so he can commit them to memory.

When he crawls through and sees what Branch has done, he inhales sharply. His mouth goes slack in shock.

Boba is feeling a lot of things as his eyes dart around. He's not sure what all of them are. His stomach still hurts in that bad-angry way it was before, but now his throat feels like there's something lodged in it and there's this feeling of pressure behind his eyes and ears. He scrunches up his face and quickly wipes at his eyes and nose.

It must be dusty in here or something, that's all. He sniffs loudly and approaches one of the decals on the wall. His hand hovers over it, not quite touching, as his brain starts trying to guess how long it would've taken to put this whole place together. The pressure in his ears starts to turn into an almost-ringing so he makes himself stop thinking about it.

Boba takes a step back, scrubs his eyes, and turns around. He can't bring himself to look at Branch directly so his eyes settle on the floor slightly to the left of the troll.]

I...

[Boba feels like he should say something, anything, but his brain is too full of white noise to think. He feels like hall of the feelings that are happening inside of him are going to make him explode, like a corpse that's been forgotten in a smuggler's cargo hold.

The only clear thought he has is full of guilt. Branch made this place for Lucky, but Lucky doesn't exist.]

My name is Boba.

[branchifer]

[Branch can easily see how moved Boba is. Try as he might to hide it, the wiping at his eyes and nose is pretty clear.]

[But then there's the name. He raises his eyebrows a little bit. It actually hadn't occurred to him Lucky - Boba - had given a false name. Lucky was absolutely a normal given name for a Troll, after all, so it sounded mundane to his ears.]

[But he's starting to get the gist that this kid has a lot of reasons to want to hide. And if there was weird...clone stuff, whatever it is, hiding his identity maybe made sense too.]

[The pronouncement has a weight to it. The tension and being unable to meet his eyes could mean a lot of things, but Branch knows the dishonesty, even if it made sense and harmed no one, might be heavy on a child's mind.]

[So he just smiles a gentle smile like there's nothing wrong with either the truth or the lie.]

[Because there isn't. Nothing's wrong either way.]

Lucky's a good nickname, but Boba's a nice name. Actually, it sounds like it could be a Troll name.

[They absolutely weren't above fun sounds as a species when it came to making up names.]

Which name do you want me to use around other people?

[orivodika]

[Boba's eyes flicker to Branch's face in surprise. It doesn't look like the troll is lying, so he looks away again.

Lucky is an old nickname. He can't remember who said it or why, but he does remember the feeling of joy and pride when one of the ARCs called him "lucky", because that's how the clones get names. A name is the thing their brothers know them by.

Jango hadn't felt the same. Boba wasn't allowed around the Alphas for a long time after that. The next time he saw them, they had gone from lanky teenagers to grown men who didn't want some kid following them around.]

I don't know.

[He's beginning to realize that the name Boba Fett doesn't mean the same thing here as it did where he came from. He doesn't have to hide to protect himself like that. But he's already spent so long lying, what happens when someone doesn't take the change as well as Branch seems to be?]

Everyone already thinks that I'm Lucky, and adults don't like lying.

[At least, they don't like it when they're lied to. They like lying to other people a lot.]

[branchifer]

Adults understand when people prefer nicknames. Or if they had reasons to be afraid to share their name. Sometimes people need to keep secrets to protect themselves and they might keep up the habit somewhere new and potentially dangerous.

My bunker, the one I dug for a hiding place, I needed that to be a secret when I was kid. For a long time. It made it feel safer that nobody else knew where it was originally. Later on, I let at least a few of the other trolls find out.

But even now, here, in a new place that was scary at first, I still haven't told everyone where all my boltholes and tunnels are. It feels safer to have a place to escape to.

[He shrugs.]

I think if you shared your real name, nobody would be upset you used another name first. But I also think nobody would think it was wrong if you decided to go on keeping it a secret because it felt safer that way.

[He knows it can be confusing, though, for a child figuring out right and wrong.]

Adults don't like dishonesty, but usually it's because lying can hurt someone somehow. Just hiding your real name isn't a type of lying that can hurt anyone.

[orivodika]

[Branch is wrong. Hiding his name can hurt people-- did hurt people. He lied about his name and the Endurance crashed on Vanquor. It didn't make him any safer, it just put other people in more danger. But maybe it didn't hurt anyone this time.

Boba understands what Branch is saying, he can follow the logic, but it still doesn't sound right.

Adults like power. Lying takes power away from them, so they don't like lying.

(Self-sufficiency, knowledge, and power. Those are the things Jango wanted him to find. He's not sure if he's been living up to that.)]

Maybe- maybe you can call me that, just when we're alone.

[Boba wants people to know his name-- the name his father gave him. He's proud of it. He's proud to be Jango's legacy.]

I'll think about telling other people. If it's safe.