Dan Sagittarius (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hallelujahjunction) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
nightlogs2024-05-12 01:48 pm
hallelujahjunction) wrote in nightlogs2024-05-12 01:48 pm
Entry tags:
I Used to Never Wear a Seatbelt Because I Said I Didn't Care [Closed]
Who: Dan and Miguel
What: Dan delivers Miguel's clothing
Where: The Pole
When: (in relation to events/plots if needed)
Warnings/Notes: Typical Dan warnings regarding addiction and mental health; Miguel warnings for Spidey and universe collapse.
Almost as soon as they're back from Project Prometheus, Dan's on the move again, dispatched to Moscow to hunt a babayka, and then to Santiago to track the Dogman, and as such it's about a week before he's back at the Pole and ready to address the unfinished business he left behind.
But first, an offering, a way to try and convey that Dan isn't trying to be defensive; he's only trying to explain himself, to lay it out there why he thinks Miguel is wrong, why he isn't just a fuckup who can't be trusted to make good decisions in life-or-death settings, why Miguel - and everyone else Dan's ever met - aren't wrong to have ever placed their trust in his competence and judgment. He makes Miguel's long coat, undershirt and trousers, like he promised.
Dan doesn't sew any passive-aggression into the garments. He feels strongly that sewing while emotional shows in the finished product, and he doesn't want to punish Miguel or escalate the conflict between them, so instead he's diligent and serene as he embroiders, tacks, trims, laces, so on. Each piece hews closely to the drawings he showed Miguel months ago, masterfully-done but simple, wardrobe daily staples instead of anything flashy.
He knocks on Miguel's bedroom door, having not found him in the lab, hoping he isn't waking him but figuring Miguel's probably as nocturnal as he is, based on their trip to Quebec. He has the clothing on a hanger slung over his shoulder, but even so he has to carry the end of the coat, given how long it is and how much taller Miguel is.
"Delivery," he says, armed to greet with a smile.
What: Dan delivers Miguel's clothing
Where: The Pole
When: (in relation to events/plots if needed)
Warnings/Notes: Typical Dan warnings regarding addiction and mental health; Miguel warnings for Spidey and universe collapse.
Almost as soon as they're back from Project Prometheus, Dan's on the move again, dispatched to Moscow to hunt a babayka, and then to Santiago to track the Dogman, and as such it's about a week before he's back at the Pole and ready to address the unfinished business he left behind.
But first, an offering, a way to try and convey that Dan isn't trying to be defensive; he's only trying to explain himself, to lay it out there why he thinks Miguel is wrong, why he isn't just a fuckup who can't be trusted to make good decisions in life-or-death settings, why Miguel - and everyone else Dan's ever met - aren't wrong to have ever placed their trust in his competence and judgment. He makes Miguel's long coat, undershirt and trousers, like he promised.
Dan doesn't sew any passive-aggression into the garments. He feels strongly that sewing while emotional shows in the finished product, and he doesn't want to punish Miguel or escalate the conflict between them, so instead he's diligent and serene as he embroiders, tacks, trims, laces, so on. Each piece hews closely to the drawings he showed Miguel months ago, masterfully-done but simple, wardrobe daily staples instead of anything flashy.
He knocks on Miguel's bedroom door, having not found him in the lab, hoping he isn't waking him but figuring Miguel's probably as nocturnal as he is, based on their trip to Quebec. He has the clothing on a hanger slung over his shoulder, but even so he has to carry the end of the coat, given how long it is and how much taller Miguel is.
"Delivery," he says, armed to greet with a smile.
no subject
"This is my third time getting pulled into a universe that ain't mind without warning or consent. I got lucky that the first time, I didn't have anything worth salvaging about my life back home."
But now he does. He has a home when he went for decades without one, a spouse whose absence would destroy him, friends whose wellbeing he's invested in, including Miguel.
"Every time it's with a different bunch of folks, but I been lucky and Bunny and Stacia and Cammie and Price have always been part of it. I'm just..." Dan sighs and breaks eye contact. "I'm terrified it's going to happen again and I'll be the only one pulled, or one of them will get pulled without me and I won't never could know what happened to them, or..."
He isn't going to go so far as to ask Miguel how he could stabilize himself, because for all he knows, that's just as dangerous as meddling with the timeline, and he doesn't want to go down that road with Miguel again. But the potential of being separated from the people he's overcome so much anxiety and self-sabotage to love haunts him.
"Is there a way to know if it'll happen again?" Dan's voice breaks slightly.
no subject
"Your situation is unusual." he admits. "Surprise jumps from one universe into another would be identified as an anomaly back home. Anomalies tend to be completely random in where they are drawn from and dumped off."
But when it happens three times, with the same individuals, its natural to want to see some kind of pattern. He doesn't know what it could mean. It could very well all be random acts of gods or complete accidents, like with the Collider. The lot of them just found themselves lucky. Or unlucky, perhaps.
"It seems like worlds in trouble just like to call you over." he says lightly, admitting he didn't know. Miguel addresses his watch, summoning the orange screens with a few taps at the wrist.
"I have your signature, if it's of any comfort. When I get access to my base again, Lyla is quite good at tracking someone who's been misplaced out there."
'Tracking anomalies' seems a little callous to say, so he avoids it.
no subject
"It'd be nice to be tracked by someone who don't want to torture me to death for once."
Dan says that as if he's making a joke, but there's only so lighthearted he can make himself sound when discussing this hard topic and thinking of how he came to this point, of why being followed from afar like that feels threatening. He also has the sense, based on what he knows of Miguel's world and the priorities the Spiders have, that maybe he isn't totally wrong to feel threatened.
But he was hoping Miguel would be able to give him a definitive answer and a plan, and he knows, intellectually, that this is the next best thing, so he's grateful.
"I'll keep my prayers up that don't no one go missing, myself included, before you get your base back. I just, I know what I would could do if one of them were to die. But if we get separated, I reckon the only thing in my capacity would be to just hope that it's temporary, and hoping ain't my strong suit."
no subject
“I’m limited until I can crack building portals here, but if we’re allowing ourselves to daydream… I could make you a goober to send messages.”
He covers the watch with his hand, dismissing the screens of data. Nothing like his own watch, of course, for the sake of his own peace of mind. But a little multi-dimensional Nokia Phone. That could work. He could even put a game of Snake onto it.
“It can be like a signal flare. So if you need me to come over, I’ll know.”
That way Dan has input, and it isn’t just him being tracked and surveilled at some unknown time from some nebulous, unseeable nowhere.
no subject
Dan feels like he's about to crawl out of his skin every second of the day that he isn't too deeply intoxicated to feel anything but drunk or high, talking himself out of worst-case scenarios, and this concern has been one that's so hard to uproot because he understands it so little. He doesn't know why he keeps getting chosen to wake up some days in wholly different universes, but he feels a sense of powerlessness that's plagued him his entire adult life amplified. Dan's always felt, to some degree, like his life trajectory was derailed and has been determined by forces far beyond his ken, like things just happen to him without his input, and since getting snatched that sense of a lack of agency has gotten louder.
He'll cling to even the slightest sense of control like a lifeline.
"It ain't that I don't trust you to know where I am." At the very least, he assumes that Miguel wouldn't use that knowledge for ill, although he suspects Miguel wouldn't hesitate to use that knowledge in ways Dan disagreed with if Miguel saw it as important. He rubs the scar on the back of his neck. "I just got a bad history with being tracked, and then with the electric collars...I really do appreciate that you hear me out when I get gunshy about stuff like this."
He knows it isn't always easy to do.
no subject
He understands Dan's anxiety. After knowing there were people out there that understood and cared about him, it would be quite isolating to get cut off.
"Maintaining double-lives in our home universes made things lonely, as you can expect. There didn't seem to be any harm in letting someone know they always had people looking out for them, if they needed it."
Things got more complicated from there, especially with regards to Miles... But in the brief moments he allows himself to be optimistic, he remembers the positive aspects of what he helped build. The things that felt less like a burden.
no subject
Dan for so long was someone nobody would miss, detached from social connections, and it does feel nice to know he has someone at his back, but terrifying, too. It makes him feel dependent and vulnerable in a way loneliness didn't. Loneliness was his to control. Loneliness kept his world small and on a tight leash, an ecosystem cramped enough for him to build walls around it.
He pivots again.
"Well, since the clothes seem to could fit you good, any other wardrobe pieces you're hankering for?"
no subject
It looks like Dan was warming up to the idea of being part of a group, himself. It took a while for solo actors to properly settle into it. At the question, he holds his chin pensively. Sure, he had some things he missed, but asking Dan to build it from scratch made the ask feel rather involved.
"Hm. Nothing specific comes to mind. I suppose we will eventually be encountering some hot weather." he muses, keeping his eyes on Dan to see if that caught his interest at all.
no subject
Miguel's next thought does perk Dan up; he takes Miguel's suggestion as evidence that the door isn't closed on their friendship, that they've done a decent job repairing it with this conversation today. "I could put you together something that breathes. Lightweight shirt, pants with some flex to them. It didn't could occur to me to do something for warm weather given, you know."
He gestures with his nose towards the window, where snow is still dumping down, as it seemingly always is.
no subject
A support system of people in similar straits, the core of which could lend their experience and structure. Risky for his more paranoid side, but the kind gesture seemed harmless enough to avoid disturbing the delicate balance of the web.
He doesn't miss the change in Dan's expression, and reacts with an endeared sort of softness. Yes, asking for summer clothes on the North Pole would be absurd, but they'll eventually have to venture somewhere a little warmer.
"I can't give a timeline for your watch, studying this dimension has been slow going without my usual equipment." he adds. "But how would you feel about a proper tour of the lab? The map displays better in there."
If Dan was going to continue to give him nice things, he'll put in the effort to make it reciprocal.
no subject
He's already plotting summer clothing for Miguel, lightweight, breathable, sweat-wicking.
"I'd love that." Dan actually feels daunted and intimidated by Miguel's lab, but he isn't about to turn down a gift. "So long as you don't mind me asking stupid questions the whole way."
no subject
"Very few of our recruits came in knowing the ins and outs of the multiverse." he reminds him. "And I don't believe you've met Catalina."
Unless Stacia had mentioned her. He found the presence of the spiderbot made his space a little more welcoming.