nightlogs | I Had Nothing to Say on Christmas Day When You Threw All Your Clothes in the Snow [Closed]

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I Had Nothing to Say on Christmas Day When You Threw All Your Clothes in the Snow [Closed]

Who: Dan and Miguel
What: Miguel finds out something concerning about Dan.
Where: The workshop.
When: After Christmas.
Warnings/Notes: Dan's crazy politics in the forefront; probable references to dead kids and substance abuse.

Miguel did, in fact, get a sky-blue and white puzzle box for Christmas, wrapped with corresponding paper and left outside his door on the morning of the holiday itself. The locking mechanism is different than the one he observed Dan making. Dan has, as the march of time has inevitably drawn him closer to the time of year he struggles with the most, been doing everything he can to stay busy, and that means each box has been individualized and has been a grounds for experimentation. Such intensive work brought Dan right up to Christmas Eve making and wrapping gifts, which was perfect; in stressing about getting boxes in hands, he didn't have much time for gloominess or panic or working himself up in hypotheticals about how everything's going to go wrong somehow.

But now the holiday's over, and aside from New Year's Eve, there isn't anything to distract him. He's taken back to chewing on his hands, and after he accidentally bites hard enough on one of his fingers to leave a blue moon-shaped bruise under his nail, he decides to do something about it.

He's noticed, of course, that there are some people here at the Pole who don't fit into standard-sized clothing, and that that limits their options for warm clothing. The myth powers may buffer people a little bit, but Dan's seen enough people have their powers dampened or switched up on them to think it's wise to entirely eschew a wardrobe of layers. And he's been intending to talk to Miguel ever since he somewhat rudely ignored the hell out of that last attempt Miguel made to rally the new myths into organizing.

After having asked around and gotten a sense of when Miguel might be available - when Dan won't be interrupting some important Work, which he knows is important to Miguel - Dan knocks on Miguel's bedroom door with a messenger's bag over his shoulder.

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Miguel was elusive to find - most of his time he spent working, and between his usual endurance and what the myth power lent he had even less reason to pause and rest. Even with the major holiday over, he still had several tasks to juggle (many of which involved coordination with the others). The energy really did feel less spider and more bee, flitting from Work to Work with no end in sight.

When he opens the door, he is already in his suit again. A few minutes later and he probably would have been running off to tend to some other task. But Dan caught him at just the right time.

“Dan? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

Unlike many of the others here, he was unaware of why Dan might have avoided his call to action. He just assumed he might’ve been busy with Bunny or Jack.

“Thank you for the gift.”

His ofrenda had been reduced since November (flowers were temporary, after all) but there was a corner of his sparse room that he kept tidy and tended to. It held the luminant white flower, his carvings, and Dan’s box now.

"I know, we been ships in the night." Dan can see the box out of the corner of his eye, and it does give him a rush of satisfaction to see that the gift was appreciated. Gifting has always been one of his most vocal love languages, and Dan loves everyone in that impersonal but sincere way that one can love the things that make them curious and enthusiastic and passionate. People make Dan curious and enthusiastic and passionate.

He pats the messenger bag. "If you're open to receiving part two of a gift, I done noticed that a lot of the clothing here ain't built for someone half a building tall. If you're keen to letting me take your measurements, I can tailor everything for you, make it move a little easier on your frame."

It's clear from his expression that he'd appreciate the task at least as much as Miguel might. "I done it for Loken before. He's always been pleased with the results, not to brag."

"You don't have to do that."

It's the first, immediate reaction. He still isn't used to accepting kindness out of the blue. But then his brain catches up with his mouth, and he considers that Dan liked to be around him for some reason. Went out of his way to do it, really. And maybe, Miguel enjoyed his company enough to stick around. And somewhere along the middle, they can call it friendship.

His expression falters. It was easier to disappear when it was just a matter of neglecting calls and deleting messages. It's harder when someone is right in front of you, offering you something nice. He justifies it to himself with the reminder that he's been meaning to ask Dan about his missions and other points of data, anyway.

"Though, I don't think anyone will be looking for me for a little while..." He gives in gently, picking up on Dan's enthusiasm.

More like: Whoever he scheduled to be pestered for updates will be given a proper vacation day, and Miguel might actually be able to relax for a little bit.

Edited 2023-12-26 00:52 (UTC)

"I do plenty of things I don't got to." In fact, it's the things Dan has to do that he struggles with the most. Obligations are stifling, strangling. That following his whims so often benefits others sometimes convinces people he's selfless, but the truth is that Dan thrives off of the wellbeing of others. He feels energized by it.

He suspects that Miguel might be a little protective of his space, so Dan takes a step back from the door. "We can do it in the workshop if you'd prefer, since I can size a mannequin model for you there. Now a good time?"

He starts to walk, figuring that just going ahead as if Miguel has fully affirmatively agreed will make it so.

For a few seconds, he stands and watches Dan trail off at the doorway. That annoys him. He is not used to being the one dragged along at someone else's whim. But he was already halfway towards saying yes, so, Miguel closes the door behind him and begins to follow. His legs were long enough to catch up without trouble.

"Anything spark this sudden burst of inspiration?" he asks. "And the yeti are all right with altering any hand-me-downs...?"

Some of the only larger things available were clearly built for someone like North or Loken and not for him. The shoulder span sat somewhat correct, while leaving the rest of his upper body swimming in sweater. Bulky as he was for a Spider, he still had the flexy, athletic taper. It felt like a rather low-priority problem at the time... he never brought it up.

"You might could have pieced together that I don't much like to sit still and ruminate, so I was hoping to have some projects to work at. You're doing me a favor." Dan glances over his shoulder and winks. He can tell that taking off like that sort of annoyed Miguel, but also predicted, accurately, that that wouldn't put a stop to these antics. "Plus, folks ought to see your figure. It's a nice one."

Which is an understatement; Miguel cuts quite the pleasant sight, which is evident even with the way his sweaters billow out beneath the pecs.

"And I wanted you to know I ain't avoiding you just because I ain't good at responding to folks over the comm system."

"I do miss having a proper wardrobe. Not that I had much reason to dress up, lately."

They can tackle his work obsession later. He doesn't hate the idea, but it's been a while since he's dedicated much of anything to just the 'Miguel' half that didn't also involve the Spider half, somehow. Then he pauses - there is a little whiplash between Dan's friendly teasing and the later comment that sets off a small alarm in his head. Avoiding???

"And I didn't assume you were avoiding me."

His eyebrow raises.

"But I have been meaning to ask you some questions."

Edited 2023-12-26 17:34 (UTC)

"Ain't really dressing up to have a sweater that don't look like a circus tent on you. No offense." But it isn't an inaccurate description. Miguel's able to catch up to Dan quickly; Dan's legs are about a foot shorter than Miguel's.

"Ah." He pulls an abashed face. "I just reckoned folks might could have already told you I get shy around getting organized."

But he doesn't volunteer to answer any questions, which is unusual given his typical eagerness to be helpful and cooperative.

"None taken."

The former topic seems to fall by the wayside as he connects the dots on what Dan was getting at here. Miguel is not shy at all about pressuring people for answers when the conversation turns combative. It's lack of urgency, and Dan's avoidant reaction that keeps him even. He doesn't push so hard when there's no pushback in turn.

"There was an inkling of that. Not about you, in particular."

It didn't get so specific as mentioning his name.

"Cammie and Rowan have been making good progress on ensuring the archive can work with voice commands, if that's what you're worried about. One of the things I wanted to ask you was to come in to test it."

A system was useless if it didn't work for the ones it was designed for.

“Oh.” It’s very kind of Cammie to think of him, and although he doesn’t know Rowan he thinks it’s nice they’re working on that.

“Here, let’s get you set up. Reckon this won’t take more than a few minutes.” Dan’s work station has shifted character slightly as he’s discarded the wood shavings and shelves the saws and knives in favor of swatches of fabric, spools of thread, measuring tapes and a collection of dress-form mannequins in varied states of attire. The array and arrangement of the materials indicates he’s as experienced with one craft as the other. “Stand there, on that spot.”

One foot in front of the largest mannequin lets Dan eyeball his ideas of Miguel’s needs before having to get anything more precise. He sorts through his measuring tapes.

“But unless you got other illiterates to worry about, though, you ain’t gotta stress that.”

"It's not any additonal stress." And it's no difference to Miguel, really, he's always stressed.

"There are other myths that can't really work with keyboards, so it'd be necessary to set up either way." he adds. "I'd still want to make sure it works for you."

He's making a point of it. Miguel has dealt with the Hobies of the multiverse, and they can at least agree on common enemies, a few ground rules, and cooperation. It was annoying and frustrating for him (and Jess) but it somewhat worked. He doesn't think Dan is out of reach at all.

So he remains cooperative on his end, standing in front of the mannequin where Dan asked him to. At least the suit gave a descriptive silhouette of his body, even with the red, emblazoned skull-spider taking up most of the upper half.

"Does this work...?" he asks, squaring up his back to give a proper comparison. He hasn't been to a tailor in years. His posture used to be better.

“It do.” Dan’s process doesn’t necessarily hew to a typical tailor’s, but that’s one of the charms of being home-taught. He squints at Miguel, holds his hands up to estimate an angle, and gets a line of pink tape and a piece of chalk. “Stand whatever way is most comfortable to your normal posture.”

Pretty stiff-backed, in Dan’s observation, except for he much hunch a lot over computers, and Dan figures he should sew with some attentiveness to extra give over the back and shoulders.

“So long as you ain’t putting yourself out on my account. I don’t particularly intend on participating.”

He looks slightly confused at Dan's answer.

"You've decided that already... why?"

Why would Dan reject mutually beneficial things??? Miguel stands still, otherwise muting the reaction while he keeps his body at a neutral curve. He will inevitably have to compensate in some manner with how bendy his joints were. Hunching, crouching, and crawling low were just as natural as standing up.

"I get disliking the noise of a crowd..."

Except Dan mentioned liking parties, so it's not that. He's just fishing around for anything that seemed reasonable from his point of view.

Dan affects casual and lighthearted, but he’s been dreading this conversation, aware all the while that it was going to have to happen eventually.

“The last time folks tried to organize a ragtag dimension-hopping band like this, it went real bad for me, so if it’s all the same to you I’d like to opt out. Elle can fill you in if you’re curious. She was there.”

He doesn’t like volunteering Elle to do social smoothing, but he figures she already knows Miguel and that she’d forgive him this.

He approaches Miguel to start taking measurements. The act of service will, he hopes, soften what he’s sure is an annoyance. Dan digging his heels in over things tends to be interpreted as intentionally obnoxious or contrary. Dan doesn’t think it is. He thinks he’s being sensible, self-preserving, cooperative as he can be while refusing to cooperate.

But he can’t cooperate with orders from on-high to give over personal information for obscure means, which is how he sees this. It feels like a mortal threat; no, he feels more afraid of this than he does of death. Dan fears a cage, and all roads of authority lead to cages of some sort or another.

“Do you want me to be generous with the seams? That way you can move around more.” He gets a stool so he can measure Miguel top to toe.

Edited 2023-12-27 01:15 (UTC)

"I don't want to hear it from Elle." he says. "I want to hear it from you."

And that's as forceful as his voice gets - which, given size and proximity, wasn't insignificant - but he wasn't upset. He was a little surprised to hear it from Dan, because of his gentle nature and because of the softer things they shared together at this same table.

As for the tailoring - well, it was hard to reject a gift that involved Dan measuring him up and down. More importantly than that, it interrupted his train of tought before the anger built up too much. He had a harder time recognizing when emotions began to snowball. So, he sighs at the request, like the hiss of a pressure release valve, and closes his eyes. He considers the answer.

"I.. hopefully won't be doing too much wallcrawling in these clothes, but flexible would be a safe bet. I don't want to tear them."

He remembers Elle's insistence on the asking, and changes tack a little. Less authoritative. That wasn't going to get him anywhere.

"Can you at least tell me what's worrying you in more detail?"

Dan stiffens when Miguel presses him. Typically, he doesn’t respond with fear to a threat, but there’s something so hardwired into him to want to wriggle away from commands. It’s like being snapped at by a bear trap. His hands shake slightly as he assesses Miguel at 6’9.

But he also wasn’t expecting to be asked, and so Miguel catches him flat-footed.

“I don’t take to rules well. Never have, never do, never will. Anytime folks organize, it’s a hop and skip to rules, and I really just…I can’t. I couldn’t would if I tried. I wasn’t raised up right for it and it’s always gone the same way.”

He hopes that unobjectionable but firm enough. He doesn’t want to negotiate this.

“Me and Bunny will just keep to ourselves. It’ll be alright.”

"If keeping to ourselves were enough, then Kuk would be a problem that would have already resolved itself."

That answer was unacceptable, but he didn't want to coerce Dan into agreeing with him. He was starting to see him closer to a friend than not... He appreciates that Dan answered the question despite his discomfort.

He tries to turn to re-engage, to make eye contact with him, but the position is awkward. Moving too much will messy up the measurements, and he doesn't want to disturb Dan's process any further. So he goes back into the neutral position, staring on ahead. He finds a wooden nail on the wall to keep his eyes busy, instead.

"Your job was dealing with ghosts and monsters. Finding a middle ground here shouldn't be impossible, right?"

He hopes so. Miguel likes to think he's not as bad as whatever monsters made Dan not even blink twice at the thought of fragrant, bloody messes on the side of a road. Sometimes, though, he wasn't sure.

“I ain’t the reason we ain’t beat Kuk. And this ain’t about if you got fangs or anyone else does neither.”

Dan, too, has to consciously avoid getting agitated, but this is the one topic that brings out the worst elements of his personality. People assume Dan doesn’t get angry or argumentative, and they’re usually right - aside from this ground.

“Arms out. I need your wingspan.” He demonstrates. He isn’t taking notes, but he could hold measurements in his head while drunk and half-asleep. “I told you I been in and out of jail, right? That’s been my whole life. My whole life folks been exploiting and abusing and locking me up while saying it was for my own good or the good of society, ever since I was sixteen and-“

He takes a breath. “-they forced us out of our home at gunpoint.”

And took away his father, never to be seen again, but Dan feels like every time he says that out loud that makes it permanent instead of just this awful dream he might wake up from.

“So I appreciate you wanting to organize folks. I really do see the intention. But please let me be.”

Well, he's never seen this side of Dan before. He's silent with surprise as the emotion spills out, raw and messy. There is enough mismatch between the hurt in Dan's voice and the continued measuring that acts as a small stopgap on urges to snap back. What he was saying wasn't rational, the circumstances weren't equivalent, but emotions weren't ruled by logic. Miguel is realizing he spilled salt all over a raw wound without even knowing it was there.

"I'm not going to force you."

He raises his arms, following the instructions, continuing to cooperate. It seems like Dan hadn't quite let go of all the anger like he said he did. In this way, at least, he has an idea of what might be going through his head.

"All I can ask is to consider the situation might be different, this time."

His temper would be far, far worse if his buttons were being pushed like that. He can't really fault Dan for catastrophizing. It was disappointing that his fear was winning over him, though.

That surprises Dan. He truly expected this to become a fight, or rather, him digging in while Miguel hit him over and over with arguments Dan had no intention of listening to. He expected this to be a problem.

He expected to be a problem.

"...thank you." Dan looks for a moment like he could cry, but instead, he just swaps out to a shorter measuring tape now that he has all of Miguel's longest measurements. "But folks always say that the situation is different, and then it's always the same. First, it's just everyone following along some shared common sense, then it's a shared set of boundaries, then it's a question of what to do with folks crossing the boundaries, then it's punishment."

Dan can hear himself veering into territory that most people snicker at, whether behind his back or to his face, but it's all coming out and he can't seem to stop himself. "It's my right to make my own decisions about what to do with my life and the information in it, and I ain't going to relinquish that. It's my right. I'm the only sovereign I'll ever recognize."

He steps off the stool and measures the proportion of Miguel's legs to his torso. "I appreciate you respecting that."

Edited 2023-12-27 05:47 (UTC)

His expression softens. It would feel dishonest to accept the gratitude for being understanding. He'd certainly have run things more strictly if this was his own base. Dan would probably feel suffocated and miserable. But this world wasn't Nueva York. And the circumstances here, for him, were also different.

There was no imminent catastrophe threatening to slip out of his grasp, for one. If Dan were a more of a stranger, if they'd butted heads a little differently, it very well could have turned into an unstoppable force-meets-immovable object scenario. But Miguel understands rather well the urge to want to grasp at anything to feel a little bit in control, especially after being hurt so badly. So maybe that cooled his reaction enough to understand him, and accept the hiccup in his plans.

"I don't think Jack seems like the type to run with the idea of punishment."

Miguel burns with the urge to prevent disaster at any cost - to do damage control - where necessary, but his own line on things could be rather gray. Maybe it was arbitrary like that.

"We all have blind spots. I was hoping a team effort would help cover them for each other. Call me an optimist."

"Lots of folks get real keen on the idea of punishment if you dress it up in the right words. Or if the folks administering it have the force of law behind them."

Dan would know. Dan knows that the only difference between an arrest and kidnapping, between a search and abuse, between confiscation and theft, between cuffs and assault, is whether the person committing the act wears a badge. The impact is the same. The way it feels remains the same; sometimes it's even worse, knowing that there's no recourse at all, no sympathy from others to be given.

He sighs. He doesn't want to be this person. He wants to be cooperative and amiable and a team player, and he doesn't want Miguel to think he'll never be able to gel with the group - but he can't fall in line.

"Do you mind if I...?" Dan gestures to wrap his measuring tape around Miguel's bicep. Tailoring does have a tendency towards a strange sort of intimacy, and especially since they aren't completely in agreement about things, Dan doesn't want to overstep nor make it awkward. "I don't work well with others, I reckon. I always think I do, since I'm friendly and all, but I'm just..."

He shrugs and then laughs without humor. "I can't read none, so how am I supposed to sign on to a social contract?"

"Ordinarily I'd agree, but we are talking about the literal manifestation of Fun, here." he responds with a light deadpan.

He doesn't want to invalidate Dan's feelings, because he knew well enough how bad authority could get in a world where things were run by algorithm and private corporation. There wasn't even a human at the top to hold accountable, much of the time. Regardless, that kind of abuse leaves scars, as all abuse does. It was just a gentle reminder that things were different from back home.

Dan gets an affirmative nod at his other question, and Miguel lifts his arm a bit off his ribs to give him easy access. He has to get a lot more agitated to lose the measured way he moves, having lived long enough with both his sharp ends and a lot of strength behind them.

"I suppose in your scenario, you get someone you trust to read through all the legalese for you. Then see if you like it."

He doesn't want to say the word 'lawyer', because he has an inkling Dan might not like those. But... trusted, qualified friend? Maybe?

"Same if it were a language someone didn't understand. You find a translator."

Maybe he was taking the metaphor too literally.

"That's how they get you. Dress it up as something good." It's unclear, even to Dan, what they encompasses. The vague specter of a threat, perhaps. Faceless, anonymous people greasing the machinery of their fictitious law and order.

But he seems to relax a little as he gets back into the easy distraction of putting numbers to Miguel's shape. He can make something nice. He can make something that moves with Miguel and yet still fits snugly, with attention to all the different ways the body can be proportioned, all the unique and individual ratios of arms to shoulders, thighs to calves, feet to ankles, ribs to torso. He wonders when the last time Miguel had something custom that he didn't make himself, much less something made by hand and not by a computer or some sort of printer. He wonders if he can convey to Miguel that they're all cool via the thoughtful gift of well-made attire.

"Ain't no one I trust enough to do that for me." Not even Bunny. It's not that he doesn't think Bunny has his best interest in mind, but simply that sometimes he and Bunny don't see eye-to-eye on this sort of thing. Bunny thinks he's the exception to the law and Dan thinks the law is an abomination, and while those often mean ignoring the rules in the same way, the underpinnings are so different and so hard to articulate. "I just want to stay out of it."

He feels tired. He feels that sort of tired where all he wants to do is withdraw and avoid everything that's stressing him out. This sort of thing is so overwhelming to him that he can hardly think straight.

"Besides, most folks learn their reading in public education, right? And as far as I can tell a lot of that's brainwashing to keep folks from being able to pick up when a contract's a bad deal."

Ah. Dan literally hates doing homework. Miguel should have realized he was invoking something cursed when he said that.

"A person who studies the nuances of how to read contracts for several years knows full well how to read one." he says it very, very flatly.

He wasn't incapable of being gentle, but now this was starting to veer into the kind of Sillyness he didn't have much patience for. Not that it was super relevant for saving the world against Kuk or whatever. But he's not enabling it.

He will, however, be making an attempt to change the topic. Dan looked fairly involved in the task at hand, and he would much rather hear his Tailoring opinions.

"What do you plan on making, anyway? Nueva York's style is pretty different from this decade."

Please take the lead, Dan. Please.

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